Monday, June 28, 2010

Too Real To Handle

Living thru a nightmare called the break-up. Wondering if after yet another fall, I should even bother getting up on that horse or instead kick it in the behind and go on by foot. Yeah, a lousy metaphore. Waking up in the mornings with such emptiness it takes all my strength just to make a cup of coffee and smoke the morning Marlboro light, while looking out the window at the sun shine and all those lucky happy people out there. Damn them to Hell. Nothing is as it should be. I've finally solved the problem with deciding my university future and now this! Why is it always something that has to go wrong? And the worst of it is it really was all my fault. My thoughts are clouded and I can't seem to overcome this. How? When the only thing that would help just isn't happening. How can I make amends when there is no way back? How can I prove things would be different this time? And what if they wouldn't be? What if I'm destined to make the same mistakes over and over again? And how can I learn if he won't teach me?


Denise said...

I felt like crying when I read your post. I guess I understand you, I'm going through the same situation, if I understood it well. I don't know where I find strength to go on, 4 ir 5 days without leaving the apartment. University as well is a problem, as you said... seems we have some things in common.
I'm sure this time you wouldn't make mistakes. Or the same. Mistakes are not negative at all. They teach us and teach the partner. And then link people together!

I can't say it was your fault or not, but I always got to know that it's ALWAYS the 2 people's fault. One, that tried to do something, the way he/she thinks is OK... the other, who doesn't accept and doesn't support, and the lack of tolerance makes things difficult.
I really hope you solve your situation in a good way... as I really hope mine is all solved in a positive way too, for me... and then I go on pretending I'm fine, looking for dresses and etc... when inside myself, I'm totally torn... and the only thing that would help... doesn't care, like you also posted.
Have a great day, I really hope you make it!

MsVeve said...

Thank you so much for your comment. It meant a lot to me. Things are still as they were though, in the midst of the break-up hell. how are you doing?