Living thru a nightmare called the break-up. Wondering if after yet another fall, I should even bother getting up on that horse or instead kick it in the behind and go on by foot. Yeah, a lousy metaphore. Waking up in the mornings with such emptiness it takes all my strength just to make a cup of coffee and smoke the morning Marlboro light, while looking out the window at the sun shine and all those lucky happy people out there. Damn them to Hell. Nothing is as it should be. I've finally solved the problem with deciding my university future and now this! Why is it always something that has to go wrong? And the worst of it is it really was all my fault. My thoughts are clouded and I can't seem to overcome this. How? When the only thing that would help just isn't happening. How can I make amends when there is no way back? How can I prove things would be different this time? And what if they wouldn't be? What if I'm destined to make the same mistakes over and over again? And how can I learn if he won't teach me?